Freaky Dave!


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by Freaky Dave posted Aug 24 2011 2:26PM

What Your Bra Says About You (On A Date) from

•Bandeau Bra: You’re confident.

•Underwire Bra: You understand compromise.

•Built-In Bra: You value convenience.

•Convertible Bra: It’s important to you to keep your options open.

•Padded Bra: You’re pragmatic.

•Sheer Bra: People fall in love with you too easily.

•Push-Up Bra: You’re very, very tricky.

•Hanes Racerback Bra: You didn’t expect to hook up tonight.

Victoria’s Secret Racerback Bra: You wanted it to look like you didn’t expect to hook up tonight.

•Demi Bra: You’re hot.

•Front Hook Bra: I’m not saying it means anything. I’m just saying that the ease with which another person can take it off might have crossed your mind.

•Minimizer Bra: You’re modest.

•T-Shirt Bra: You’re just, like, casually chillin’. It’s whatevs. (Except not really, because then you would have just worn a regular bra and not cared that the seams showed.)

•No Bra: No one’s going to tell you what to do. Not even your breasts.

•Corset: You’re a biter. And kind of a nerd.

•The Playtex 18 Hour Bra: You’re one of the pretty ladies who works at the bank. It’s also 1986 and I have a giant crush on you.

•Bullet Bra: There is such a thing as being way too into “Mad Men.”

•Maternity Bra: You’re, um, pregnant?

•Shelf Bra: You’re kinky. Or you just didn’t know they were supposed to cover your whole boob.

•Water Bra: You don’t really know about… stuff.

•Seashell Bra: If it’s Halloween, you’re dressed up as the Little Mermaid. Hot! If it’s not Halloween, you had terrible parents.

•Coconut Bra: You’re a virgin. Who narrowly escaped sacrifice by way of being-thrown-into-a-volcano and didn’t have time to change.

•Adhesive Bra: You live your life like you’re on the red carpet—ridiculously.

(Don't miss the Freak Show in the Mornings with Freaky Dave, Lee Wray, and Tia E each weekday morning from 6am-11am) Also don't forget to join the Freak Show in the Mornings Group on Facebook!!/groups/169899706388331/?notif_t=group_r2j

7 Things You Should Never Go Cheap On

No.7 Tattoos

Tattoos are many things to many people but for everyone they are a mark that will be there forever. Think of getting a tattoo as a long-term investment. Instead of having some half-assed tattooist slap some Chinese characters out of his clip art book on your arm for $50, take some time to find an artist who can create a piece just for you.

No.6 DUI Attorney

Getting busted for a DUI can literally ruin your life. Unless you have a kick ass DUI attorney armed with a legal powerhouse, you’ll be getting off a hell of a lot easier than the guy with some schmuck from the Yellow Pages. Expect to pay about $8-10,000 for a good DUI attorney.

No.5 Car Insurance

This one is tough since you are required by law to have insurance. If the minimum coverage is all you can afford then you’ll just have to go with that. But just because you have something doesn’t mean you’re actually covered if something bad happens.

No.4 Hookers

This one probably needs no explanation, if you don’t already know that a $5 'sexual encounter' is a bad idea then you probably deserve what’s coming to you (hint: it’s herpes). To avoid some of the health risks, as well as ensuring that you’re hooking up with an actual woman, who’s actually attractive don't skimp on the quality of the woman.

No.3 Dentist

Nobody likes going to the dentist so the thought of having to pay even more money to have someone make you drool for an hour while they jam a drill in your mouth can make anyone cringe. So it’s understandable to want to spend as little on this as possible. This can be done by going to a dental college, and having senior students work on your teeth for a fraction of the price. Just remember, you get what you pay for.

No.2 Boob Job

The difference between a bad boob job and a good boob job are night and day. The best boob jobs don’t look like boob jobs, they look like boobs. But to get this, you have to lay down some serious cash for a top-rated plastic surgeon. Sure, you can get a set of boobs for $2,000, but you’re going to end up look like a you jammed a pair of tennis balls under your skin.

No.1 Hair Replacement

In the past 20 years, hair replacement technology has come a long way. But if you want to get the latest technological advancement, you’re going to have to cough up a bit more dough to keep yourself from permanently looking like you just found some roadkill and slapped it on your head. Inexperienced hair replacement surgeons can completely mess up your hair line which in turn makes your face look different and weird.

(Don't miss the Freak Show in the Mornings with Freaky Dave, Lee Wray, and Tia E each weekday morning from 6am-11am) Also don't forget to join the Freak Show in the Mornings Group on Facebook!!/groups/169899706388331/?notif_t=group_r2j

15 Things You Need to Do Before You Have Kids
Thinking about going from a party of two to a party of three? Well, don't worry -- your life won't end when you have a baby. As a mother of two young kids, I can tell you that you will sleep again, you will have sex again and you will go out with friends, read non-parenting books and hit the gym. But ... there are some things you should probably get checked off your life list before kids -- because your days may seem hectic, but just wait until you have a baby on board.
Go on a wine-tasting tour at a vineyard
There's nothing fun for a kid about sitting still and being quiet while you sip something they can't. And those little wine crackers only entertain them for so long (believe me, I've tried).

Go skydiving/bungee jumping/swimming with sharks

Or whatever other crazy, life-risking thing you've got on your bucket list. These activities are frowned upon when you've got little ones at home who kind of depend on your not being injured. Or dead. So file under "before baby".

Hit the hot bars and restaurants you haven't gotten around to

Sure, you'll get out to eat when you have kids. But when there's a sitter on the clock, you're more likely to pick a place you know will get you in and out, and not, say, that new pop-up restaurant 45 minutes away where they cook everything with a single match.

Appreciate the bathroom...alone

Take a road trip

Anywhere. Together or solo, it doesn't matter -- just relish in the complete silence or blast whatever kid-unfriendly music you like. Stop only when you want to or you need to, and enjoy the freedom. The car will never be the same post-baby.

Be spontaneous

if someone says, "Let's do ____." Do ____. Because you can.

Spend an entire day in bed together watching movies

You will likely never do this once you have kids unless A) you have the flu, in which case, not so enjoyable, or B) your kid has the flu, in which case said movies will likely feature talking rodents. Again, not so enjoyable.

Have boozy lunches with friends

You'll probably try this once you have kids, and it will seem great ... until you get home and realize you still have to parent and bedtime isn't for another five hours. D'oh!

Feed your minimalist side

Get a white chair/couch/rug/anything else you wouldn't want stained. Leave your wineglass or coffee cup on it and watch it not get knocked over. Enjoy it while you can, because once there's a little one tottering around, you can kiss it good-bye!

Have morning sex

And doors-open sex. And not-in-the-bedroom sex. And loud sex. Sure, you'll still have sex post-kids. But most of these particular sex flavors will go off the menu when the little ones arrive, so partake while you can.

Be the last ones to leave the party

No matter what you say now, as a couple with kids, you'll be calling it a night long before your baby-free friends. (Trust me, you won't have it in you, and even if you do, people will talk.) That means missing out on those crazy-fun hours when all the really fun nonsense happens, also known as the stuff you reminisce about once you have kids.

Fly first class
What do you recommend people do before having kids? Here's Freaky Dave's list:
  1. Enjoy vomit-free clothing!
  2. Walk through your home without Hot Wheel and other pointy things on the floor.
  3. Enjoy intimacy without locking the bedroom door and yelling, "Mommy and I are having a talk!"
  4. Have a meal that doesn't involve chicken nuggets and french fries.
  5. Make sure to tell the wait staff at any restaurant that you won't require a kid's menu.
Filed Under :
Topics : Human Interest
Location : Victoria
People : Lee Wray
08/24/2011 2:26PM
All kinds of new stuff with the FSITM!
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