10 Guys You Don't Want to Date in 2011
by Freaky Dave
posted Jun 9 2011 10:12AM
Tired of being the psycho girlfriend, or fighting with your boyfriend's mother? Are you over going out on dates with guys who want to split the check? Noticing a pattern in your love life (or lack thereof)? Well at what point are you going to take some personal responsibility? It's time to stop dating losers! Here are 10 guys you should absolutely avoid in 2011:
- The Stage Five-er -- Feel like you're being followed? Double check to make sure he's not reading this over your shoulder. There's nothing sexy about a guy who acts like a little girl. Didn't he have friends before he met you? No matter how in love you are, you still need your night to watch The Bachelor, and no, he can't come to your cousin's baby shower. At the end of the day, the clingers never stick. He may have the best of intentions, but he may also need to get a life.
- The Mysterious, Damaged Guy -- If you've ever swooned over the Dylan McKay's, Pacey Witter's and Chuck Bass' of the world, then watch out. This is the guy who will sit at the end of the bar and shoot you a subtle smile and then just as you go over to talk to him, he'll get up and leave. He's basically begging you to save him as if you're his last hope ... but not even Dr. Meredith Grey can save this guy. You'll end up diagnosing yourself with a headache (and then a broken heart) if you decide to take this patient on.
- The Not-So-Mysterious (but Damaged) Comedian -- Unlike Mr. Mysterious, this guy's the life of the party – the one who always has a quick line. Now, this will be really attractive until you discover that every joke is a diversion from his innumerable and irrevocable, gaping wounds of baggage. This guy is almost worse than the plain old damaged guy, because at least the obviously-damaged guy is straight-up owning it.
- The Gordon Gecko Wannabe -- Watch out for the blue button-down shirts with the white collars and cuffs. Raise caution level if his cuff-links match anything else in his outfit, or are shaped like polo players. This guy LOVES talking about how much money he made today and how late he stayed out with clients last night. He uses words like "bro" and "doll" and throws a hissy when valet is full. It might be fun to date this guy at first, but the show might get old after a while.
- The Serial Monogamist -- "What's that? You've had 12 serious relationships? 12? And the last lady to round out the dozen left you just a couple of months ago?" Huge red flag, ladies. This guy loves being in love. You could probably show up with three missing teeth and a beard and he'd find you "endearing" in some way. Before getting serious with this dude, dare him to spend a Valentine's Day alone. If he survives, you might have a shot.
- The Angry Drunk -- Everyone loves this couple. You know the one. You're at the bar and you look over at some loud, obnoxious drunk guy getting in someone's face about whose lacrosse team was better 10+ years ago, Duke or North Carolina
- The Lazy Bones -- It's a shame X-Box won't just hire someone to play "Madden NFL" for seven straight hours a day. You'd be dating a millionaire! No seriously, waiting tables is cool and all, but unless UNO's provides him with a 401K, he's digging himself a deep dish he won't be able to climb out of.
- The Mama's Boy -- My mother always said, "remember, you're not just marrying the guy, you're marrying his family." This is not a joke. Moms can be really mean, and if your guy's mom has brainwashed him to the point where he can't pick out a pair of jeans without her opinion, you're in trouble.
- The Pretty Boy -- This guy has more product than a Paul Mitchell warehouse and he'd never be caught dead without a neck scarf. I mean, couples eyebrow waxing appointments are romantic, but you might be one cleansing facial away from second guessing his masculinity. General rule – if his "getting ready" routine is longer than yours, leave him at home.
- The Debbie Downer -- No one wants to date a Debbie. This is the guy who could be swimming in a vat of chocolate ice cream as $100 bills shower down upon him, and he'd be complaining that the ice cream isn't vanilla. And yes, he WOULD like vanillaDitch the Debbie and find someone fun!